January 9, 2023

 “You would look so much better if you just lost a little weight.”

“How do you manage to go to work and leave your kids for so many hours with the nanny? I could never do that.”

“Why are you still single? Time is ticking! No one is perfect so you shouldn’t be picky.”

If you are a woman over the age of 20, most likely you’ve heard some version of these comments. And, they’re not so easy to ignore, especially when you hear them so often.

Why is that?

We know that receiving, internalizing, and reinforcing any negative comments such as these increases stress, anxiety, frustration, and worry; yet, we let them take over our thoughts.

These negative comments provide evidence that you are unworthy and not good enough, which can be demotivating and reaffirm your worst fear of not being enough.

This article explores the impact of hurtful comments and how understanding the power of our thoughts can help us regain control.

The Power of Comments: 

It could be about your external appearance, relationship status, your parenting style, or your approach to a particular situation. It doesn’t matter - comments and judgments will always be made and passed. Sometimes, they catch you off guard because you wouldn’t have thought about it until it was said - and now it’s replaying in your head.

And, what does this all lead to?

Overthinking.

“Why is this person putting me down and making me feel less than I am?”
“Will they tell others?”
“Does everyone think this of me?”
“Is there something wrong with me?”

You feel embarrassed, hurt, offended, or insulted, and if this is someone that you have to deal with regularly, they begin to live in your head, rent-free.

They hit a nerve in such a powerful way, and more often than not, they get away with it, leaving you feeling lost on how you should respond or react.

Perhaps you have been taught that speaking up for yourself can come across as impolite and/or disrespectful (especially, if you are a woman), but keeping it all in takes a toll on your mental health, which should be the most important. However, our natural response to people please gets in the way.

Your internal battle starts. “Why is this happening to me?” Making you feel like a victim in your life. And, the worst part is, oblivious to your feelings, the “offender” doesn’t even know the impact their words have made on you.

Taking Control of Your Thoughts:

So let’s talk: What can we do if we feel like someone is taking our power away?

We have been told that life is 10% of what happens and 90% of how we respond. But what does that mean?

This “offender” is what we call a “Circumstance.” And, there are three types of Circumstances in our life. A Circumstance is something we cannot control but tend to spend most of our lives obsessing over.

The past and what happened.
Our environment and what’s happening around us.
Other people and how they behave.
This isn’t often discussed, but we find it easier to try to control someone else’s actions rather than our thoughts because we don’t know the right methods to do so.

Understanding how your body and nervous system get affected by a trigger can help bring awareness to you so you can calm yourself down and not let anyone take away your power.


Just because someone says something doesn’t make it true. People talk. People pass judgment. People make unnecessary comments because everyone is dealing with their own insecurities. In most situations, it really is not personal - even if it feels like it.

It's easier to point out other people’s flaws than it is to do internal work on yourself. When you recognize this, it becomes easier to be at peace with who you are and where you are in life, and it gives you compassion when someone says something hurtful because it highlights their internal struggles more than your flaws.

In the journey to taking back your power, remember, the control over your thoughts is a superpower that can help you navigate through life's comments with grace and resilience. Your thoughts have the power to shield you from the negativity of others and empower you to rise above it all.